Malo Educacion : 37

Malo Educacion

Teach your children while they are still young
Fill them with thoughts of equality and kindness.
Malo educacion surrounds me each day
And I am frightened.
Rude hollering, harsh touches
"Just leave me alone!"
The women stand by and watch.
They don't mind,
They permit it,
And dare I sat
They teach it.
What a shame that they forgot
To educate their young.

Teach your children while they are still young
Fill them with desires to learn and to teach.
Malo educación surrounds me each day
And I am frightened.
Backwards school, ignorant teachers
Don't they want to learn?
The teachers stand by and watch.
They don;t mind,
They like it,
And dar I say
They cause it.
What a shame that their nation
Cannot educate their young.

-
---
Robin C. Oleata
March 17, 1994
Caaguazu, Paraguay
---
-

Lonely Adjustments : 32

March 30

11 pm

My mind is so full of thoughts.  I don't think I'll be able to sleep again.  It is holy week, chipa and church.  My sister dislocated her shoulder today playing handball, I don;t think I want to play, it sounds dangerous.  Yesterday my Dad got pictures developed in Asuncion, it was fun to see them.  Lis invited me to go to her basketball practices on Mondays and Fridays, maybe I will learn the game.  I finished reading The Awakening today, it shocked me.  I wasn't ready for the ending, when she began swimming out into the sea I kept thinking no, it won;t end like this, there will be more.  All of the Kate chopin stories aren't good for me right now, they are making me lonely.  The main thing I am lonely for is physical companionship.  I want someone to hold me, and kiss me, and hug me.  I loved it when I would be in Seth's arms and I a feeling of compete safety would come over me.  It was a warmth, a cozy, drowsy warmth that would make me want to fall asleep in that wonderful position and never wake up again, to have him kissing my cheek and neck, stroking my hand while I rest my head on his chest.  Just to be hugged and told that I am loved, that I'm beautiful, that I'm special.  I miss having someone's hand to reach out and hold on to.  It makes me remember ASB ball, when we were waiting outside Kiva Grill for the valet to bring the big blue bus around, and Seth reached out and took hold of my hand.  I had never had a boy do that before, and I was overcome with such a feeling of specialness.  How I long to have that feeling once again, yet it only comes once.  I wish I could spend an evening on the cliffs of Torrey Pines Park, sitting with Seth's arms wrapped around me as we stare out into the ocean and get to be best friends.

P.E. and my Dream of being a Varsity Athlete : 31

March 26, 1994

Yesterday at P.E., I played basketball, I did really good, I can't shoot, but when playing with my equals, I'm a good guard, I think I may have potential.  And by my gruesome playing, I've begun to earn the respect of Lise.  If I can get her to like me, then that whole group of girls will be more accepting of me, which will make my life a lot nicer here.  I really love to play basketball, I'm on my class's team, maybe I can be good enough to try out for the team when I return to LJHS.  It's such a fun sport.  I need to learn how to shoot though.

---------------------**------------------------------

On Thursday I ran 4 miles, it took me a long time but I'm quite proud, and beside being tired, I wasn't sore at all the next day.  I need to get some uphill and downhill, but in Paraguay, I think that might be impossible.  Oh well, If I can build up my endurance real well, the strength for hills can come quickly.  It's just a matter of running Calle del Oro twice a week as soon as I get home!  Joy, I'll need some good music for that!  Or conversation.  Just remember, as soon as you return, you'll always be able to find someone to run with you (you'll always be able to run w/ someone who will challenge you!).  Just keep at the basics now, and you'll be able to soar come September.

---------------------**------------------------------

Bad news, I'm getting fat and my watch broke.

---------------------**------------------------------

Dear God, : 29

Dear God,
I realized today how much about my own religion I did not understand or know about.  All my life it has been my belief because other people have wanted it, but now I want it for myself.  I want to have the desire to read the bible because I want to, to understand what is written, to finally learn to pray my own way and in my own words, to praise Jesus and find other people to praise God with.  Is it possible to be an intelligent woman, a self-conscious teenager, and a catholic at the same time?  Yes, I believe it is.  But it won't be easy.  The first steps are the hardest.  Open your bible, stop and appreciate the beauty, speak to God and pray (and go to church).  Thank you God for getting me started, now I need your help every step of the way.  I have my John Denver, my spanish bible, my beautiful countryside, and soon I will have my Gathering Songs, and all of these things can help greatly.  But education is the key.  Appreciate the beauty of your world.  Love the world that God has created for me and share it with others, there is no greater prayer.
Robin
MArch 23, 1994

And now for English : 26

And now for English
I realized that I was being silly with all my worries of boredom.  I finally have all the time I want to do the things I love to do: reading, painting, writing, playing my guitar, running, writing in my journal, making, creating, enjoying, taking deep breaths, and sitting in the sunshine.  All the wonderful peaceful things I believe make me a more beautiful person.  I should be able to leave here knowing how to play a few pretty songs, with a few simple paintings, some new poetry, a good mile time, and a scrapbook and journal full of wonderful memories.  I am going to become such a calm mellow person.  Maybe I'll buy some material and see if I can try sewing some clothes.  Maybe make a sarong or some baggy pants.  And I want to find some beads.  There are so many wonderful things to do I can't wait until I get my pictures developed so I can start on my scrapbook.  It is going to be colorful and awesome.  It is going to reflect the mellow artistic time I had here.  I'm on sabbatical at 16!

Letters from Home : 23

12-III-93

Today started out bad.  My clock slowed down during the night, and when I woke up is said 6:15, the time I alwats get up.  So I got dressed and went into the kitchen, sat down, poured my coffee, and when I looked up, it was 5 past 7!  No one had bothered to wake me up.  So I grabbed my backpack and ran to school without breakfast, brushing my teeth, truly waking up, and my sweater.. Wen I got into my class I was all shaky and flustered.  It was horrible.  And I didn't have any money to get anything to eat at recess.  Today was the first day that I really didn't understand what was going on in school.  I tried, but I just couldn't figure out what was going on.  Sitting in a classroom all morning when you can't understand what is being said can be quite boring.  But now that I'm through complaining (for now) I'll write to remember how my day got better.  When I sat down to lunch, Edgar handed me a stack of letters (8).  I love letters.  And, in a month, I'd only gotten 2.  I got a crosscountry newsletter from Mr. D, 2 letters from Clodagh, 2 from Jesse, 2 from my mom and a beautiful card from Christopher.  I love mail, and it is so wonderful to hear from everyone.  I was mentioned in the Cross Country newsletter, which I thought was pretty cool.  I was referred to as a promising star in the '94 season, and today I ran a 8 minute mile (+10 sec) which I'm quite proud of.  I'm going to run under a 6 minute mile before I leave.  That is only cutting off 30 seconds per lap, which I know I can do with more training.  I have the desire, and I almost have the strength, it's just the endurance I need and that comes with time.  Long distance is 95% mental, and 5% hard work.  I have the time for the hard work, and I'm working on the mental.  Dad would be so proud of me if could be awesome in cross country.  I want to make Varsity.

Another thing I did today that put me in a good mood, is that I made photocopies of different pages in my book "Hope for the Flowers" and I made beautiful stationary to write rad letters on.  At least I think it's cool, and I had fun making it.  It is such a wonderful book, and this is a good way to share it with others.  I finished my day with ham and cheese empanadas.  Yummy!  Not very healthy, but they taste so damned good, I love them.  Juicy yummy good.  On Sunday I;m going to Coronel Oviedo where all the AFS kids and their families from all the surrounding cities are meeting.  Hopefully I'll see lots of kids from orientation.

buen dia

First Rain : 22

 

March 16, 1994

I read hope for the flowers this evening.  I think it is the first time since the Sierra Club hike.  I love the story so much every time I read it.  It is so beautiful.  So simple.  I hope it always remains special to me.  God, let no one ruin my beautiful story, let me always believe in the beauty of the butterfly.

I watched the coming of a storm today.  It was amazing.  Randy was so right when he spoke of the beauty of the powers of nature.  The great storm, fires, wind, it is all beautiful.  Mysterious. The clouds rolled past so quickly overhead, thunder moaned and the sky lighted uo.  Fern branches blew above me, and the sweet smell of the first drops of rain.  I was amazed.  I only wish my view hadn't been blocked by buildings, I wanted to see, but I could not.  Into every night a little rain must fall but at least I hope my rain is always as magnificent and beautiful as this rain.

"You are my friend...forever."  Smiling Olga

One Month Anniversary: 21

March 14, '94
I can't believe a whole month is already gone.  I feel like I've been gone for ever, yet the time seems to be passing by so quickly.  I feel like it;s slipping away faster than I can really enjoy it.  I need to work on my Spanish.  I should be much farther advanced than this.  I'm not trying.  I need to study past tense, then start learning future tense.  And my vocab is pathetic.  I'm being so lazy, it is such a waste.  Set goals.

-- 6  miles a week for rest of month
-- I 8 min mile
-- Practice verbs 1/l 1/2 hour ev. school day
--Practice guitar a/l 1/2 hour ev. day

It's easy and it's not more than you can expect of yourself, Robin, don't waste your time.  You can expect so much of yourself, you are the one who achieves the greatest of all, amaze yourself!  Practice the Guarani, become cultures.  Culture has given birth, don;t let the child be retarded, help it to mature.

Playing With Numbers at School : 20

March 14, 1994
this is my 5, 854th day
as of 10:00 AM I have lived
55, 251,960 seconds
If I were living on Mercury
I would be 68.5 years old

second
1 min -- 60
1 hour -- 3,660
1 day -- 87,840
1 month (28) -- 2,459,520
1 year -- 32, 061,600


*you know I find school very interesting

Settling In with some Teenage Drama : 18

7-III-94

I'm so excited, I'm in such a good mood, today is the first day in a long time that I wasn't bored!  Nothing interesting happened, I just had something to do whenever I wanted something to do.  I took lots of notes today which really helps my Spanish, and after school I helped in the store, did sit ups, got my school supplies together, covered books, Trudi came over and we went on a walk, ended up at her house, sat around and talked, then she went with me while I ran, then home to eat empanadas in the garden with my family.  Nothing interesting, yet, a perfect day because I was living a typical kids life, which is what I'm supposed to do here.  I'm not here to be a tourist, I'm here to be a student, and this was a typical day of a high school student, granted it wasn't the typical day of a Paraguayan student, yet it wasn't completely American, it was something in between, a happy median.  Now if only most of my days would be similar to this.  The key to outwitting boredom, is to plan ahead of all the things I want to do each day: play my guitar, work on Spanish, review notes, sit ups and run, write a letter or in journal, help in store, etc.  My three main goals on AFS is to learn Spanish good, get myself in great shape for Cross Country, and learn to play guitar really well.  I know I can do these things if I just apply myself, discipline.  All 3 of these things can be great sometimes, yet all of them can be tedious as well, I need to work hard through the tedious times. :)  Fun things.  This guy, Diego, who doesn't go to school (got expelled) and who drinks and seduces girls like Trudi.  And Trudi unfortunately like him back (he's gorgeous) and even more unfortunately Trudi's parents know all, and are very unhappy about it, they really don't like Diego, no girl's parentsin Caaguazu like Diego!  Last night at 9pm I got called over to Trudi's house to be an interpreter in this whole Diego schmeel.  It was quite funny.  Trudi would tell me Ask them why we can't just be friends, and then Trudi's parents (especially her dad, her mom was pretty cool through the whole deal) not a boyfriend, not a friend, he's bad, etc.  I was there for an hour.  And after all of that, when Trudi and I went to the sports center this afternoon, Diego was there, and I told him everything that happened, then I went off on my run, and Diego and Trudi talked (sort-of) the whole time.  Stupid girl!  Looking for trouble.

<3 Trudi told me that Frederick likes me, Swedish Romance!

The Boredom Begins : 17

5-III-94

I'm really bored here and it is very frustrating.  I kept thinking that as soon as school starts everything will be cool because I'll have something to do with myself.  But school is over by 11:30, I eat lunch by myself, and then I have from 12:15 on to fill up with activity.  But what to fill it up with, I don't know.  I don't have any homework, they don't need any help in the store, I can't go on runs by myself, but I can't find anyone to go with me, I'm not sure if the other girls ever do anything together after school, but I'm pretty sure they don't.  What?  What should I do with myself.  These empty days are making me unhappy.  I feel like I'm just wasting my time, where I know that if I was back at home, my days would be filled with happy activity.  This is a major problem, and I'm not sure how to deal with it, but I have plenty of free time to think it out!  Humor is good :)  Chin up Robin.  Think POSITIVE

Some Memories : 16

Commentary:  This page shows a butterfly I found dead on the ground and taped its wings onto the page.  Butterflies had a lot of symbolic significance for me at this time in my life.  I felt I was in my cocoon, developing myself to emerge later, magnificent!  There are some quotes on this page that I collected throughout my stay, funny things people say.  The list on the bottom is also a slow list made throughout my stay.  It lists the names of all the poems I wrote while in Paraguay.  At this point in my stay, only the first poem has been written.  I probably wrote most things on this page a few months down the line.

A drawing of the Backyard

Self Indulgent Birthday Reflections : 15

March 1, 1994

15 has been a wonderful year.  Better than any other so far.  So many wonderful things have happened.  I have had so much fun.  I have made the closest friends I have ever had.  Terra, Seth, Clodagh, Jesse, Kristy, Elodie, Corri, Alida, and others.  I've had so many first kiss, on a starlit patio overlooking the lights of San Diego, then went on to have many other firsts.  Starry nights in the studio with Seth experimenting and learning.  I've also done well in school.  Hard classes, good grades.  And my summer was great.  The Caribbean and being a CIT.  I started guitar.  Went to some really fun school dances (ASB, homecoming, winter dance ).  I was one of the people up for the homecoming court.  I got to perform at Jack Murphy Stadium as a Varsity Cheerleader.  I did awesome on the Varsity Track Team.And my friendship with Seth over the whole year was wonderful.  He has been the most wonderful friend.  I thanks him for the happiness he has brought into my life.  This past year has really helped me to blossom into the young woman that I believe I am today.  The people and things that have influenced me have made me into a confident, fairly intelligent, slightly cynical, smiling girl who opens her heart to new ideas.  I thank God dearly for my year, I can't even begin to expect another like it, yet, look at where I am on my 16th B-day.  I am beginning an adventure in Paraguay.  An adventure that so far proves to be a wonderful choice.  Tonight my new friends and their families are coming over to celebrate my birthday, and all day everyone has been so nice to me.  Everyone keeps kissing my cheeks and saying felicidades.  Everyone keeps smiling at me, they all seem so excited to celebrate the day their new friend was born.  15 was a year of friendships and learning and growth.  I hope my 16th year reflects these 3 themes as well.  I ask for God's help.  This year will be harder, I know.  But harder work produces better results. '16'