Self Indulgent Birthday Reflections : 15

March 1, 1994

15 has been a wonderful year.  Better than any other so far.  So many wonderful things have happened.  I have had so much fun.  I have made the closest friends I have ever had.  Terra, Seth, Clodagh, Jesse, Kristy, Elodie, Corri, Alida, and others.  I've had so many first kiss, on a starlit patio overlooking the lights of San Diego, then went on to have many other firsts.  Starry nights in the studio with Seth experimenting and learning.  I've also done well in school.  Hard classes, good grades.  And my summer was great.  The Caribbean and being a CIT.  I started guitar.  Went to some really fun school dances (ASB, homecoming, winter dance ).  I was one of the people up for the homecoming court.  I got to perform at Jack Murphy Stadium as a Varsity Cheerleader.  I did awesome on the Varsity Track Team.And my friendship with Seth over the whole year was wonderful.  He has been the most wonderful friend.  I thanks him for the happiness he has brought into my life.  This past year has really helped me to blossom into the young woman that I believe I am today.  The people and things that have influenced me have made me into a confident, fairly intelligent, slightly cynical, smiling girl who opens her heart to new ideas.  I thank God dearly for my year, I can't even begin to expect another like it, yet, look at where I am on my 16th B-day.  I am beginning an adventure in Paraguay.  An adventure that so far proves to be a wonderful choice.  Tonight my new friends and their families are coming over to celebrate my birthday, and all day everyone has been so nice to me.  Everyone keeps kissing my cheeks and saying felicidades.  Everyone keeps smiling at me, they all seem so excited to celebrate the day their new friend was born.  15 was a year of friendships and learning and growth.  I hope my 16th year reflects these 3 themes as well.  I ask for God's help.  This year will be harder, I know.  But harder work produces better results. '16'

First Pains : 14

  

2-27

I don't know why I'm so upset and I just wish I wasn't.  It all started last night when I lost my Teddy Bear at the party.  I really depended on my bear, he made me feel better at night, less lonely, he always did.  And then, it was so strange this morning when I got up out of bed, everything got kind of dizzy and black like it does sometimes when I get up, but this time it was worse, and I'm not sure what happened, but I guessed I blacked out or fainted or something, I can't remember, but all I know is that I hit my head, hard on something and cut my elbow.  There is still a big lump on my head, and it hurts.  It was so scary, I didn't know what had happened, I still don't.  And then the whole day was filled with nothing.  Just sitting around, silent.  And when you're beginning to feel homesick, there is nothing worse than an empty day.  And then tonight, since it was Sunday (calls cheaper) and because my B-day is on Tuesday, I thought I would call my parents, and maybe talk to them for a little while, but they aren't home, and I feel horrible, very lonely.  And it is so hard, for me to understand my feelings, why I'm upset and how to make myself feel better.  And I want to know how my heart feels, and who I miss.  Do I miss Seth or not, was I ever really in love with him, and if I was am I still.  Is it him I miss, or my parents, or my room, or is it just my teddy bear?  I can't wait for school to start, I need to have something to do with my time.  I need something else to think about than what I have been thinking about.  AFS is a roller coaster ride.

I don't know if I miss Seth, I don't know much about my feelings, but I do know that I miss his hugs, a lot.

Today will be better 2-28

today was better, and tomorrow will be better still.  Sixteen Candles! '16'

The First Party : 13

2-27

The party last night was awesome.  I looked really cute in my costume.  My hair was done up in to braids with big bows and I wore my pajamas and drew freckles on my face, and I had a pacifier.  There were 3 of us AFS students there.  Myself, Trudy (Australia), and Marnie (New Zealand), and I don;t know about the other two, but I was definitely a center of attention.  I've never had so many guys want to dance with me in my life.  So many people talking to me at once, it was exciting.  The party was big, about 300 kids between 14 and 20 all dancing in 2 lines under flashing disco lights to some thumping techno.  I've never danced so much in my life, it was a blast.  The strangest thing about it is that the girls are protected here, not allowed to date or be with a boy alone, yet they all had on the stankiest, sluttiest outfits you've ever seen.  There were parent chaperones around the outskirts.  This next thing is the strangest part for me to understand, about the only drink you can get is beer, and it is completely allowed.  None of the parents mind.  And I never need to buy anything, because there is always some guy handing me a drink.  For about the first hour I danced with this totally gorgeous guy, he was hot, but somehow I lost him, I was kind of bummed about that.  I danced with a whole bunch of other guys too, but none compared.

Pora Jasy...A Poem : 12

Pora Jasy

Last night I saw the moon for the first time.

Pora.

Beautiful.

I can't believe they are the same.

Is that face staring down at me

The same as that in the land of confusion?

This is the land of warm breezes,

Terere days, and new stars.

Yet I know these two faces are one;

Both make me feel the same:

Happy to be alive,

Thirsty for each moment,

Yet sad.

Each lunar phase whose beams I breath

Is a brilliant tide that will never again live.

Each day is for me to live, love, and learn.

Don't allow your time to be wasted;

Don't allow the moon to lament

A Sporting Event : 11

2-26-94

Last night we went to watch a handball game.  It was really cool.  The game is a cross between water polo and basketball.  They play on a concrete court similar to a soccer field, but smaller (size of basketball court).  They handle the ball, dribbling and passing much the same as in basketball, but they shoot with one arm into a net like in H2O polo, and there is a goalie.  It was exciting to watch, but the part I liked best was the drums.  Both teams had their own indian drum section beating out pulsating rhythms, it gave it all such an exciting, ritualistic atmosphere.

Tonight I'm going to a fiesta de disfraz--a costume party.  I'm excited, it will be fun.  I'm going as a baby.  Day before yesterday I got really sick, food poisoning, it was pretty horrible, but yesterday I was fine.  I just needed to get it out of my system.

Teenage Love : 10

Noah's Dove

Chords and Denim

Bowtie and Braces

Overalls and Braids

Torrey Pines night hike

Dances

Stars; Orion

Hidden notes

Passionate Kisses

Movies never finished

Spaghetti lunches

Frosty's

Broken curfew

Kiva Grill

Bowling

Moonlight Picnics

Basketball

Baseball

Cheerleading

Cuddling

Massages

Maniacs

Jazz

Silly Moms

Coffee

Watches

Elementary Schools

Beaches

Moon-Lit Picknicks

Swingsets

Ballroom dancing

Break-ups and beaming makeups

Beautiful blue eyes

That look

World's best hugs

Disneyland

Popcorn and Turkey Sandwhiches

Telephones and now letters

<3 Your pen pal, Robin

Miniature Golf

Go Karts

Holding Hands

Engraved ROcks

Tears

First Kiss

First Love

Just Friends

Sad Good-byes

Sunflowers

The List Maker : 9

 It's difficult to read the pencil, it is a list of things I'd like to do to better learn and experience the local culture.  The list says

• ask maid to teach how to make traditional foods--make a cookbook
• learn about the Nanduti lace
• learn traditional songs in Spanish and Guarani
• History
• Quincenera

Below is a scond list, a list to remind me what are on all my rolls of photos, it says:
Roll I - Orientations, Family Lunch in Ypacari
        II - Ciudad dal Este border
             Costume Party
             Terere on my 16th
             16th B-day party
      III - 16th
             First day of school
             Sunset
             Basketball
     IV - AFS B-B-Q @ C. de Oviedo
             Night sky

detail of a small seal of Paraguay on the corner of this page